who cares when I stop?

He snapped the words that once would have sent her spiraling. His words were meant to snap her to her very core but they didn’t. She couldn’t even comprehend why his words fell short, why his words seem to bounce off her. She breathed in deeply surprised in herself. “You’re such a prick” she said, and she meant it. But meaning it didn’t mean that she cared, it was as though in that one sentence she had stopped caring completely. Her words were just fact. He.was.a.prick. But it was ok. It didn’t matter anymore, he didn’t matter. She looked up and smiled to herself. Finally. He didn’t matter. He could say whatever he wanted but in truth she had finally woken up.

She thought back to all the nights they had spent, and how quickly the picture had changed in the morning when they woke up. He was two completely different people but once again that was ok. “I don’t want anything to do with him anymore” she breathed as though merely saying it out loud made it automatically occur. The thing that surprised her further was once she said it she knew it was true, and now she believed it with pure conviction. She knew she could do it. And better than that it's what she wanted...

She pondered to herself silently. "Who is going to care now that I have stopped?" The answer to this question didnt matter though... as long as it wasnt her.

Good Enough

One cold tear on my cheek and a broken heart,
For something so short I fell so hard.
Even the best version of myself was not good enough
I think that hurts the most . .

Just lying in that perfect room, perfect bed, reminds me of you.
Playing your words again and again,
They echo deafening in my head,
“I just don’t like you”, I can’t believe that’s what you said.

This feeling so not painless, this feeling all too familiar,
You said you were different, you said you were more.
All the things that we wanted, you said you were sure.

These tears I shed for you, for the lies and fake smiles that hid the truth.
I was in too deep I know that now,
You said you’re confused, but I don’t buy your lie,
I know I'm just not good enough, I’m scared to ask why?

I was myself, and you were you,
But me just me didn’t satisfy you.

So a brave face I mask behind, I’m here again,
I could have loved you, and you should have felt that
I should have been enough, you were for me
But this is all I am, I cant be more,
I’m so sorry to hear you needed to be free,
That all I could give, you threw back at me.

I guess you won, a victory
You finally got to be the villain in your own story,
I said I was heartless, to strong to cry
But as it turns out, that was a lie.
The heartless one is you, so messed up and confused.

I gave you my all, I guess now I’ll learn,
Just cause I liked you, didn’t’ mean you would like me in return.

I’m sure I didn’t deserve this, such harsh treatment from you,
I never thought you’d be the one to rip my heart in two. . .
Now you have broken me down, you can see me so clear,
I’m just a sad little girl, crying one cold tear.